I wish that I had never heard of a "spike" hairdo

 and why in the hell did I buy my spawn the blue goo? Yea yea yea... he wanted it. Yea yea yea... he looks cute as the dickens. But who knew the upkeep this mama would be facing? Oy! It's enough to turn this WASP into a yenta.

7 am: Dark thirty. "Mom, can I take a shower?"

Me: "I don't care what you do as long as it isn't here." (in the bed)

Blessed peace.

7:10 am: "Mom, is my hair dry enough to put the gel in?"

Now, it's one thing to wake up to a nude male beside the bed. It's another when it's your nude 9-yr old, waking you for the second time on a Saturday Morning (yes, I meant to capitalize that), so that you can check his hair for moisture content in preparation for gel. Gel he's going to launch into his hair so that he can look suave and debonair for THE DEER LEASE. Yes. Making my day. If he keeps this up I'm not wiping the excess blue gunk off his forehead like I did yesterday. He can look like a goober for all I care.

"Yes." At this point, unless you've met Mason, you don't know that he has the tenacity of a bull tick and to make him leave me alone I have to answer in the affirmative because to tell him the truth, which I tried to the day before, would only cause an internal cosmic quake the size of which San Francisco suffered from. Because he JUST.CAN'T.WAIT.LONG.ENOUGH.TO.DRY.HIS.HAIR. It messes up his flowwwwwwwwwwwwww.

Closing eyes....

7:11.5: "Mom, is this nickel-sized?" I open my eye to peer at the blue goo in his hand. Lying again, I say yes. It's actually more like a silver dollar size, but I really don't care. The sooner he uses up that shit wonderful product, the better.

Turning over, pillow over head....

7:12.45: "Mom. Am I big enough to use the hair dryer? Because the gel isn't working. I think my hair is too wet."

See? There is a conspiracy somewhere (and since both my parents are in heaven, I'm guessing there) that Heidi cannot sleep past 7 on Saturday or Sunday. What the heck am I thinking that I get some kind of day of rest? HA! Mason Hard was sent down here specifically to make sure that I don't rest until I'm DEAD.

I climb out of bed and follow the miscreant into the bathroom, where I pull out my fancy-dancy chi blowdryer with the diffuser attachment that he is exTREMELY enamored of. I start to dry his hair and this brings on the wiggly shivers. He cannot hold still. And you know why? Granny? Anyone? Because the way that I'd turned him to dry it that was the most convenient for my arms was with his face turned AWAY from the mirror and he couldn't watch himself every.damn.second.

"That's enough! That's enough! I'll comb it now." I started to comb it and was given the hand. "I'll do it. *I* know how."

Combine this charming behavior with his loud, piercing DADDY! screams and you'll find me looking for the Kahluah to put into my coffee at 7:30 am.

Yea for hunting season! I love it when the hubby sighs and talks about how hard it is to deal with the Mighty M, who's already requested to use someone's shower at the deer lease so he can wash and MOUSSE out there. Can't WAIT for that story......

Wow. I'm a huge loser, and I promise to do better TODAY. That said, I'll have to do a blog this afternoon :)

Thursday, January 13th

This morning was negotiation time. David was invited to a party for his classmate Hope. I had to find him a ride to the movie theatre so that he could join the group seeing TRON: The Legacy. I found Gina Hickson in the parking lot, and she agreed to take him and better yet, get him a present. She is such a lifesaver. Thankfully, I have been able to do the same for her so I don't feel so much like an imposition when she helps me out. I told David and he was excited.

But, I had to help Mason do his homework sheet in class before it started. Ugh. His attention span was less than advantageous, to say it nicely. We counted items in the picture and colored in squares for how many there were and made a bar graph. Let's clear that up. I, HEIDI, made a bar graph. Mason sighed. And fidgeted. And drew a desultory line across the paper while I colored in the squares.

Edwin picked up Caroline and Mason and took them home. I went at 11 to Janet's office to join her and Brian for a webinar on blog building. It was great, and then at 12:45 I went out to Riverside and took photos and notes of a new class that A&M and TEEX's TFSA are putting on for Crime Scene Investigation. The class was all girls! What? Boys too squeamish? Those girls were having a great time finding the shell casings, bullet holes, tire marks, blood drops, duct tape, broken glass, etc. The Eagle and KBTX, the local newspaper and tv station, had sent crews as well, so it was exciting and hard to stay out of each other's shots. I got to go into the house after all the media left and visit with Christine and get a quote from a student.

I went home and did some work with the photos so I could upload them to Flickr. Then, I picked up Connor and David from Cinemark, and we took Connor home. I went home, worked more, talked with Mimi, and apparently snored a lot while I slept. Sorry Edwin!

Wednesday, January 12.

It's the basketball game day. Thank goodness. Mason was about to explode. BACKSTORY: For reading at KOR, if the students keep track of their hours and get so many, they can win free tickets to Texas A&M Basketball games. This month, it's the men's team. So, David won two free tickets with his reading. Mason, who isn't reading and wouldn't bother keeping track anyway, was incensed on Monday when the teacher handed out the free tickets and he didn't get any. He insisted that I get on the computer THIS MINUTE and buy his. I told him that Daddy was going to take David and that they could buy his at the game. I told him that if he would read with me and we kept track of it, he could get his own free tickets. He said NO, it wasn't for reading, that I was wrong. He is such a BUTT.

So, this morning, it was 25 degrees (!) and when I dropped the kids off at school it was very cold. I told David that he had to take Mason up to the Early Room and that he couldn't play Wall Ball. Some kids were still outside, but that was just crazy. David was not happy with me. He was angry I made him wear a coat. It's those Texan men :)

I went to the meeting and saw Janet, my boss, who'd been in Egypt after Xmas. I hadn't seen her since before the break, so it was great catching up. She then sent me the Quest article that she and Brian had edited, and I sent it on to the PS&S people for checking. It's due on Friday.

After pickup and a quick lunch, I took Mason to Speech Therapy with Ms Darlene, who is always so positive. He, of course, is very bossy. I can hear that stident tone coming out from behind the door and I am just glad to get a break from it. :) He was rude to someone in the *aligator* (elevator) and when I apologized, the man asked me his age, and then said "Oh, it's okay, he's a precocious seven-year old!" Ugh. Why are ALL of my children precocious?

I am now sitting in the house ALONE (jealous??) while the HARD boys are at the basketball game and Caroline is at Youth. Yea!

UPDATE: My friend Helen Flynn texted me: Just saw Ed and boys in line for bathroom. He told Mason we're the team in white and Mason keeps yelling "Go white boys!" :)

Edwin also told me that he asked the person next to him, holding cotton candy, if he could have some. The person gave him some and he ate it with relish. He also told someone whistling behind him to stop screaming. Ugh. What a menace! ;)

Tuesday, January 11. Sick day.

I did not feel good today; I did not LOOK good today either. I slept away the morning, did some facebook work for TEEX, and then picked up the kids. My friend Katie Ward asked if David wanted to come over and play with her son Joshua, so I sent him over to their car. I then manhandled Mason into our van, hoping he wouldn't notice that he wasn't included in the playdate. All I needed was for Caroline to get in our car so we could make a quick get-a-way. No go. The bratty *C* came out.

"David's in the Ward's car! What's he doing in their car? Why can't I go? What's he doing in their car. Mom, David's in their car. Mom!" Rinse and repeat in increasing loudness.

The Ward's are one of our favorite familys. Their three children play really well with my three children, and we've done a lot of combined playdates. Emma Ward is one of Caroline's very best friends. So, she assumes that if David gets to go over, she does. She kept standing by their suburban, yelling to me. I kept telling her to come and get in the car. Mason is starting to catch on that something is happening and he is not included. Crap. Nothing good will happen now. I then have to pull the big Mommy Bitch guns out.

"Caroline, get into this car this minute. I am the parent, NOT you. Get in the car NOW!!!!"

Caroline came storming over and got into the car. I am so angry now I am probably glowing with radioactive goo. I let her have it. I told her that 1) she was NOT invited to the Wards, 2) David was, 3) she is not David's parent, I am, 4) GIVE ME YOUR PHONE, and 5) her behavior was immature, inappropriate and so rude that I can't believe that she came from my body and I am totally ashamed of her. Ugh. We have had all of this conversation before. She is never to question me like that. She is never to talk to me like that. I am sure I had a LOT of nostril flare going on ;)

 BTW, I now have her phone. I don't think she will ever get it back.

Funny Mason story. Last night, when we were discussing what Mason wanted to happen on Saturday for his birthday, he said he wanted a Selena Gomez poster again. Edwin told him that Selena loved Justin Bieber. Mason said NO! Edwin said:

"Who is more handsome, you or Justin Bieber?"

and Mason replied,

"Me! I am AWESOME! High five!"

And he came over and slapped me up. :)

Monday, January 10. Where in College Station is a Selena Gomez poster?

On Monday, Mason had therapy with Ms Tracy again. He was very excited. I packed up a lunch in a red paper sack, and he demanded to know what was in it. On the ride over, I had to explain the contents over and over. I became so sick of saying "Capri Sun" that I refused to list it again. We got to the house, I tossed him in the door, and left. I then dropped the other two off at the house and went to Hastings. Someone at Target or WalMart had sworn he'd seen a Selena Gomez poster there--nay, TWO Selena posters there. L.I.A.R. liar-pants-on-fire. I scoured that d$mn store and didn't find it. I had to settle for two teeny-bopper magazines at $5 a pop and the super-deluxe $16 cd with the poster and dvd of The Time It Never Rained. Or isn't that the Elmer Kelton book? I love Elmer, but that's another story.

Of course, I was late then getting back to pick up Mason. In the meantime, he told Ms. Tracy that he was afraid his friend Porter, who lives in Pebble Creek too, would come by, see him, and think he had a new mother. WHAT?? We're going through a large insecurity stage with our big cognitive developments lately, and it's crazy the things that are coming out.

At 6:30, Edwin got home and I was ready to go to book club. It was carrot cake and wine at Helen Flynn's house and the book was Jayber Crow by Wendell Berry. It's a slow moving book about a very solitary man who cuts hair in a small town in the south. Who had read it? Everyone but Paula and I; at least she had the good sense and courtesy to go online and read a synopsis. ~sigh~ Not me, of course. I blatantly attended for the cake. But I resolve to do better in the future. I did put a sample of it and the March and April books to be read on my Kindle: Harry Truman's Excellent Adventures and Peace Like a River. February is Kate Morton's The Forgotten Garden, and I borrowed Mary Skow's copy already so I'm ahead of the game on that one :) And then I called Mimi and totally depressed myself and slunk off to bed. Ugh.

Catching up.

Friday was very busy. So busy we didn't get to speech therapy. Yes Amy, I know. Saturday Mimi came to visit. When I spoke with her Friday eve, she mentioned coming over to see Aunt Florence for lunch and did I want to come? I told her I'd talk with Edwin. Well, Mimi came at noon to the house, ready to go. ~sigh~ I put on my big-girl pants and got ready. We called to Aunt Florence's, and she had some lunch at her house. So Mimi and I joined Karin and Aunt Florence at 750 N. Rosemary for lunch. The slightly toasty chocolate chip cookies for dessert were organic :) For an impromptu lunch, it was great, and a good time was had by all. Then, Mimi needed a new outfit for Jodi (Rob's daughter) Winkelmann's wedding next weekend (to which she pointed out I wasn't invited). So, we went to Morgan Fitzgeralds. We found a cute red/black jacket for her to wear, and scored some Vera Bradley as well. Then Mimi went home and Edwin attempted to throw himself off the roof fix the leak on the roof where the satellite dish was. He got it off and then caulked the holes. The fun was me trying to *throw* things up to him, like the pliers (okay) and a hanger (8 tries) and a stick to smooth the caulk (several million). Eventually, it was done and Edwin came down the ladder. His audience--Mason and David in lawn chairs--left much earlier. Only I was waiting for him and held the ladder for his triumphant descent. Caroline and Emma were at Cory's, visiting with the new puppy and kitty, so I went to get them around 6:30 p.m., accompanied by my cute shadow, Mason Hard, that I don't always appreciate but do really love. I need to remember to be better about that. Caroline got her hair curled by Sierra to look like Taylor Swift. I opened my mouth and inserted my foot by telling her I didn't like it. Proud mommy moment! I can really be a jerk sometimes, especially after Mimi visits. Ugh.

Today has been a cleaning opportunity ::coughcough::. Edwin cleaned our bathroom from stem to stern. My bathroom sink and counter are pristine. Lovely! I cleaned out the laundry room. The laundry room counter, cabinets, and sink are totally cleared off and cleaned out. There is actually space. Edwin made beef stew and it's wonderful. So even though cleaning is no fun, at least we are able to savor the rewards. And, since I washed the sheets for our bed, clean sheets tonight! Sleep, blessed sleep :)